A Little Diddy by Donna

A little tune I whipped up just this afternoon. Enjoy.


Sing along to the tune of Jimmy Crack Corn...

My house is a mess and I don't care
My house is a mess and I don't care
My house is a mess and I don't care
I'm going to sit my ass right down

My Mother in Law is coming over and I don't care
My Mother in Law is coming over and I don't care
My Mother in Law is coming over and I don't care
Because she's bringing a pizza

When she gets here I'll ignore her
When she gets here I'll ignore her
When she gets here I'll ignore her
Just to prove a point

I'm an asshole and I don't care
I'm an asshole and I don't care
I'm an asshole and I don't care
In your fucking face!

I don't give a fuck what you say
I don't give a fuck what you say
I don't give a fuck what you say
You're crazy anyway!

Ohhhh!

My house is a mess and I don't care
My house is a mess and I don't care
My house is a mess and I don't care
I refuse to clean it just for you!

I'm an asshole and I don't care
I'm an asshole and I don't care
I'm an asshole and I don't care
In your fucking face!

EVERYBODY!

I don't give a fuck what you say
I don't give a fuck what you say
I don't give a fuck what you say
You're crazy anyway!

Stuff.

Stuff. Damn, stuff.

I wanted some stuff for the kid. He has fallen in love with Jay Jay the Jet Plane. Jay Jay the creepy face weirdo blue jet plane. Creepy cartoon. But since he loves it already and can sing a lot of the theme song I felt it my duty as a mom to acquire him some late 90s Jay Jay the effin' Jet Plane stuff. And the only place to find antiquated PBS cartoon toys is in the land of amazing, and sometimes crappy, stuff...

eBay...

...where I found a multitude of toys and managed to find a little airport play set with the hangar and the barn along with 4 planes. Then after being satisfied with my purchase I went on to look to see if I could find some Trio Block sets, a big favorite of his right now. And of course I found some and had to bid right away on them...

Before I knew it I was looking at vintage Pyrex, a weakness of mine... Ooooh...look at all the colors...Oh, my effin gawd! The primary refrigerator set! Sqqqqqeeeeaaaaalllll!!!!! Happy dance! Kind of pricey...but no, look at that beautiful blue split dish...and that set of 3 small classic bowls...

The blue dish and the bowls have already been shipped.

Did I mention it had been at least 5 years, almost 6 now, that I had even ventured near eBay? I had a great seller's account that my ex argued with me enough to annoy me about that I just let it go. I then had to start over, and what a load of crap that is...and work. Pffft. I even had to set a new Paypal accout because my account was sooo old that it the bank holding checking account attached has gone out of business and I burned any of that information long ago. Lame.

I have to blame this on my iPhone eBay app. It just made it so. damn. easy! Fuck. It sucked me right in!

Now that I have some lovely new Pyrex on it's way my thoughts have turned to furniture and a place for my new stuff along with the rest of my collection of Pyrex stuff. It's a practical collection, I use it often, but it now deserves a better place of display than stacked on top of the fridge looking all cluttery. I need a long and tall china hutch of some nature. Yes...or maybe a wall shelf of squares...Ikea maybe...yes...and I'd really like a new dresser for that redneck. I do hate that dresser. He needs big deep drawers to make a mess in unlike the crappy shallow ones in there now...too bad I can't find nice matching bedroom set that I liked on the craigslist for a good price...and I sure wish I had some kind of a sideboard for the living room...and that upstairs family room could use work, it has so much potential...and some storage shelves for the basement...ooh, look here on craigslist...

I need some stuff. Really, I need lots of stuff. How did I suddenly need all of this stuff...or maybe I just want it, but you know, I really could use it. The stuff. I can't believe I want so much stuff! I never really want stuff. Or maybe I tell my self that so it makes it all better for my wittle fwagile heawrt who just really wants some stuff. What ever it is, I just don't have the money for the stuff so will just sit here and want more stuff...

Like Just Dance 3 for the Wii and Mario Party, and...

Damnitall, Donna! you didn't even need that other stuff...even if I didn't get stuff for my birthday...yet.

Effin' stuff. It will all just end up in the basement some day like the rest of my stuff. I guess I don't need any more stuff...but some furniture would be nice...



George Carlin help me now.

Fucking stuff.

^I want this stuff too...damn it!^

Dear Friday the 13th. Glad that shit is over...

Dear Friday the 13th,

So after the day that I had... it has come to my attention that you may be in cahoots with that bastard Murphy's Law and the mother fucking Universe. Yeah. I'm on to you fuckers. The day was set up right from the beginning when the MIL made an appointment with a real estate attorney about that bullshit house who told them both the same damn thing I've been saying for almost two effin' years. On our way to said appointment there was an accident on the main road so we had to go around by 4 miles which set the redneck's great mood off. That was a good time. Sigh...

I have to admit not the whole day was bad, but I'm sure it was Murphy's idea to throw in the magic fingers of my friend who performed surgery and was able to get ALL of my files off of my crashed external drive. He now has gawddly status in my head. He's magical. That shit is getting double backed up and burned to disk this next round. Wheew. But I bet it was the Universe's idea to sandwich that one fantastic thing in between the attorney appointment and my mother's phone call regarding my brother who has apparently lost his effin' mind.

Yeh. My brother. My 45 yearl old, divorced, father of 3 wonderful kids, older brother of mine. You guys have screwed him up so bad that he needs a separate paragraph. Early Saturday morning he boarded a plane with his passport in hand to fly to Kenya. Yes. Africa. Yes. It's the first time he's ever been out of the country, hell the state in at least 10 years, and he went to Africa, and without a malaria shot. What the hell is he going to Kenya for, you ask? He went to Kenya to meet AND marry his Facebook girlfriend of just a few months. Um. Yeeeaaah. There had been some scuttle about him going to meet her in March, but never once did I expect him to jump up and decide, "Hey, I'm going to go to Kenya tomorrow and marry this [alleged] woman! Hahaa! You only live once!" Yeh. You live long enough until I get a call to report your mangled body on the side of the road. ACKK! And you all think I'm the crazy one. Bah.

So dear Friday the 13th, you need to step on back and take your buddies with you for a while. I know you like to get me sometimes, like having my mom and step dad marry in Vegas on the 13th without telling anyone. I know that was like 25 some years ago, but ack! Now since I know that you and the Universe and effin' Murphy's are in cahoots could you guys please meet up and Kenya to keep an eye on my insane in the membrane brother so that I don't have to sell my soul for a ticket to Kenya. I always expected to get something more enjoyable for my soul, so don't fuck me there, boys. And on my birthday week! You idiots best fix this shit and bring that man home safely.

Thanks much,

Donna


Don't fuck this up boys! (shakes fist violently in the Universe and Murphy's Law's faces)





xoxo

The Great United States of Hoodies for the Homeless Project OR Donna needs a good excuse for some fun

It's been a while since I have been consistent in blogging, but I promise you all that will change today...with this posting and this project. Donna is going nationwide! Read on...


I used to have a fabulous hooded sweatshirt from my trip to Vancouver a number a years ago. I loved it very much...so much that I alternated between it and another hoodie every other day during my first few years in college.

When I began working for an area homeless shelter in their community service division I began to wear it again as I walked the neighborhood knocking on doors on brisk fall days. In the winter time it became a nice layer of warmth during my neighborhood treks. When I lost my job there I accidentally left my precious sweatshirt behind. I would have retreived it when I realized it was missing, but I was very preoccupied seeing how my infant son was in Children's Hospital suffering from an infection from his initial shunt surgery for hydrocephalus. Alas, my sweatshirt was the last thing on my mind.

I had always hoped that maybe it was given to one of the residents. It was such a nice warm sweatshirt. It eased my mind thinking that it was helping keep someone who needed more than I warm on blustery days. But in reality, I still really missed it.

That was now almost 3 years ago and there isn't a cold day that goes by that I don't think of it.

One day a few weeks ago when I was lonesome for my dear sweatshirt I began to wonder if I could maybe get a reader to send me a new Vancouver sweatshirt...and then the thought trailed off to how I had readers all over the country, not just Canada, and how neat it would be to have a sweatshirt from every state with the state name on the chest...and so it was posted on the Facebook...

"I have decided I want a hoodie sweatshirt from every state. Get on that, minions."

Then the conversation led to how I would take all the sweatshirts and make the United States out of them on my lawn and take a pic and where would I put all of said hoodies. Suddenly I was volunteering food pantry hours for sweatshirts and donating them to the area homeless shelters after the project! I had honestly been planning on doing some volunteer time so this was just the idea to get me motivated.

And so now it is real and official...

Hoodie NATION: The United States of Hoodies for the Homeless Photo Project

The first part of the mission is to create a giant cloth sculpture on my lawn of the Untied States of America with a hoodie with every state's name on it. The second part of the mission is to give back to local area communities through volunteering while promoting the project, volunteerism, and myself through my blog and Facebook. Once a photo has been take of the "sculpture" the hoodies will be donated to area homeless shelters to help keep the cold at bay for those who really need them.

For each hoodie received I will donate 2 hours of volunteer time to various local food pantries in your name. When I work your day I will take along your hoodie and have a photo taken of it at the pantry if allowed to show that I really am putting in the time for you!

I will need hoodies in various sizes as needy people come in all sizes as do these United States. For example I'm hoping to get a few larger sizes from Texas for the sake of the state's size and maybe a kid's small for Rhode Island. Yes. Don't forget the kids! They need to be warm, too! All hoodies should be NEW and clean with a tag still attached if possible.

I will gladly accept hoodies from other nations as well. I will put them in the appropriate places for the picture! College wear will also be accepted, but keep in mind I am really looking for the STATE name on the chest so that it shows in the photo. Items will be donated to various homeless shelters with the most in need coming first. I am not equiped for monetary donations at this time so please stick to sweatshirts.

Send your hooded sweatshirts to:

Hoodie Nation
c/o My Dirty Kitchen Floor
ATTN: Donna Freakin' Reed
PO BOX 549
53201-0549


I hope you will all join me on my crazy journey of paying it back and see how my photo turns out.

Make sure you "Like" Hoodie Nation and My Dirty Kitchen Floor on the Facebook to follow my progress!

Volunteering some love,

Donna Freakin' Reed





xoxox

If You Give a Mom a Muffin By Someone who is not Donna

--IF YOU GIVE A MOM A MUFFIN-

By Kathy Fictorie
(Who I wish I knew because she is a genius)

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. She'll pour herself some. Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.

She'll wipe it up. Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks. She'll remember she has to do laundry.

When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer... will remind her... she has to plan supper. She will get out a pound of hamburger.

She'll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.) The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.

She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. She will look for her checkbook.

The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.
She'll smell something funny. She'll change the two-year-old.

While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring. Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee.

Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some.

And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.






xoxox Donna


A little reality goes a long way.