Ain't Gonna Lie

Ladies, I feel obligated to tell you that I won't be posting for a minute here, because, well, not only am I on a pretend in my head vacation this week...I desperately need to find a job that suits our families needs. And all efforts today and this week and forever until I figure it out, need to be focused on that, the awful job search. Without it, the Reeds may never achieve that illustrious American Dream I so like to bitch about, or let alone pay the rent. Besides, I think it's only fair that I take advantage of this lovely week here to catch up on everything that I am behind on and just don't do in general.

I'll be lurking though, don't think I can stay away, because, well, I can't.

Hittin' the Pavement,

Donna Freakin' Reed

We've got Xmas Spirit! Yes we do, We've got Xmas Spirit, How About You?

Santa did not bring me what I asked for, again. Boo.

The American Dream is "that...of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement... It is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely, but a dream of social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the fullest stature of which they are innately capable, and be recognized by others for what they are, regardless of the fortuitous circumstances of birth or position." --James Truslow Adams from his book The Epic of America

Damn that guy for ever coining that phrase. Screwed us all.


Merry Effin' Xmas!

Donna "glad that shit is over" Reed

xoxo

WTF, Wednesday!

Hey, Gladys, it's been a while, think you could fix me a stiff drink? A real stiff one?

Hiya ladies. How are you? Me, well, I've been baking for two days, and we all know how great of a baker I am. you know how delightful the wafting smell of baking cookies is, and how it remains in the air to enjoy for the rest of the day? Yeh, mine smells like burnt cookies. 3 dozen+ burnt, fire alarm going off at 12:30 am, not once but twice, kind of burnt. Man. I suck at this baking shit. I don't know why I agreed to this. I wanted to make chocolate nut clusters to give out this year (we give candy, we're poor and just can't freakin' buy gifts, yeh, I admit it, so poor we don't even buy for each other, and no people, I am not selling my hair, and he already has a watch fob). Something I have experience in, but suddenly I am baking dozens of cookies, fudge AND candy. Damn.

So, girls, remember last week when I complained about the universe and radiators?

Well, I'll tell ya. I knew the universe and Murphy were in cahoots together. It's not the radiator. It never was the friggin' radiator even though we purchased a new radiator (which has yet to be installed). It's the head gasket, or a stuck lifter, but likely the gasket, AND the water pump. Really? You SOB, really! Right before Xmas, right before I am supposed to go north to to my mother's, really, now, really, when whatever spare money is for presents, and whatever spare Urbilly time is for us? Really! Is it friggin' Tuesday every day around here?

Well, I am busy today, and don't need to get caught by the Urbilly standing in front of this computer, today, like it or not Donna, you belong in front of the oven.


So girls, enjoy a repost.

How to Cut a Mango the easy way

I love mango. Yummy. And so does my lil' guy. It is his favorite next to blueberries. The kid could eat 2 whole mangos if I'd cut them up for him. And speaking of cutting them up, ladies, pain in the ass right? Well, not really. If you know the way.

I spent some time on a study abroad in Mexico, where each morning I was greeted with delicious, juicy papya and mango for my yogurt or my cereal. I learned to really appreciate a good mango and learned a few tricks to eating them along the way.

When I buy mango I always buy organic, regardless of how tough its skin. I try to buy one that is more red than green and has no black spot no matter how small. I let them ripen in my fruit bowl and use them when they have just the right amount of give when pressed and they emit a wonderful fragrant sticky goo from the stem. Be wary of buying a very ripe mango from the store. They often will be rotten or even fermented inside. Watch for black spots, off color, or wrinkly skin.

Without the proper tools cutting mango for easy eating can be a very messy and sticky process. The right tool for the right job.

This mango slicer from Oxo is a kitchen item I wouldn't want to be without, though a nice sharp knife will also do the trick. This nifty gadget works much like an apple slicer. It slices the mango around its seed and manages to cut off almost all of the meat of the sweet delicious fruit.

I suggest cutting the mango with the stem up so you can have a better idea of where the seed is located, but stem down also works. Sometimes the skin is a bit tough and needs a cut to start it off or the slicer will just crush the mango. Try to cut just through the skin and follow the lines of the Oxo cutter.


After you have the mango in three pieces dispose of the seed once you have carefully cutaway any remaining fruit. Cup one of the mango slices in your hand and carefully cut a criss-cross patter into the fruit just to the skin. Be careful not to cut through the skin as your hands will be in the way.

When finished, push through from the skinned side until the fruit "pops" out and looks quite like a mango hedge hog if cut finely (which mine was not).

After you have the mango in this position carefully cut the pieces from the skin and drop them into a conveniently located bowl.


Voila! Mango for your sweety or mango for your margarita, either way... Delicious!!


Runnin' for Rum,


Donna

Take it to the Table Tuesday: Shotgun Shells

Seeing that is Xmas week, I'm a bit busy to be thinking of anything but cookies, candies, tinsel, and presents, or lack there of, but I still have something for you ladies. As it is Tuesday and a traditional Tuesday involves taking it to the table, today I will take it to the table in the form of poetry. This poem has appeared in this blog previously, but it was long before I even had one real reader, so seeing how it reflects today's take it to the table Tuesday thoughts, I reposted it. Enjoy.

Grandmama, circa 1936, all looking Mary Poppinsish
Think she's got a lil' derringer in that purse?

Ode to Grandmama

Oh how I wish I could be like you
With eyes of sparkling blue
Lips all ruby red
and a big black bouffant atop your head.

Oh grandmama, with your apron and cookies
I just feel like such a rookie
How is it that you made it so long
With a husband who always said that you were wrong

You cooked and you cleaned
And carried a love that I gleaned
Which I carry today
But I must say...

Grandmama , how did you not kill him dead
for all the things that he said
and live with a smile on your face
all along carrying such grace

I know, I know, I'll go put the shot gun back in its place

Cheers and jeers,

Donna

PS: If you have never read Teary Eyed Tuesday, go ahead, read it now. It'll fill you in on the love I had for this grandmama.


xoxo

Wait a minute, It's Wednesday! Wordless Wednesday

My One True Love

(who is at daycare right now and I am not wasting my day writing a post for you sheep, I mean followers)


Much Love,
Donna Freakin' Reed

xoxo

Take it to the Table Tuesday: 6 Things that I Cannot Stand Right Now

Things I truly dislike (hate, but we don't use that word) and have me totally pissed off right this minute

1. The Universe. Screw you and you're constant need to set me up screw with me and then laugh at me. Eff you! Is that shit ever gonna end, I mean c'mon, you've been screwing up my plans for years now, isn't there anyone else you'd like to make miserable?
   
   
2. The terrible twos that started at 1 1/2. Screw you and the need possess my sweet baby boy and make him cry, yell and scream at me from the moment I take his nook away in the morning until bath and bedtime. It's everything--No, H, you can't have that, AHHHHH! No, H, you need to stay out the cupboard, WAAAAAA!!! No, H, don't hit the kitty, be nice, AHHHHH! No, H, you can't have your nook mid day, WAAAAAA!! No, H, please leave that door open, WAAAA!!! WAAAAA!! What is it H, you locked yourself in? AHHHHH! What is it? You want juice not milk? Pears, not peaches, crackers, not animal cookies. I'm going to scream. Really. I'm about done with that, and my patience is wearing quite thin.
   
   
3. Super frigid weather and blown radiators. Screw you for screwing up my only chance this week at leaving the freakin' house and visiting with a real live human form, one that I like very much and is intelligent, understanding and empathetic. All the things I so sorely need right now.
   
   
4. Testosterone. Screw you for making my man a neanderthal and lack the ability to understand the soul of a woman and her needs, wants, dreams, and desires. Seriously. Big eff you here.
   
   
5. My freakin' neighbors, still! Screw you and letting your dog out without a leash. It's obvious that he has been in our yard hence the footsteps in the snow, and I just saw him as he charged at me for a minute, which of course scared me, and then greatly angered me while I looked under the hood of the Jeep. Yeh, screw you. Control your animal.
   
   
6. Murphy's Law. Yeh, you suck just like the universe. I know you two were in cahoots when you watched me struggle for 20 minutes getting the kid dressed this morning, battle with him to get his jacket and mittens on, fight to get him in his car seat, and yes all while he yelled at me--and then you decided to let me know (after I had warmed up the Jeep for about 20 minutes already) about the radiator with a puddle of green. Yeh. Screw you.

I guess it's good that I didn't make it out of the house today. I'm not exactly fit for society at the moment. Guess I'll hole up here and curse the world from my recliner.


Grrrrr,

Donna Freakin' Reed



xoxo

Mealy, but not maggoty Monday and the Failed Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole

It's that time again ladies. What will I make for dinner this week? I hate this part of the job. The Urbilly is so picky sometime, it is downright irritating. Makes it hard to have variety, and try new things, because I often end up with a casserole or pie that he won't eat, and I'll have to do something about. Grrrr.

Rather like last night's experimental Cordon Bleu Casserole with Asparagus...

I got this recipe from a Taste of Home magazine. It sounded fine-chicken, ham, cream cheese- I was bit skeptical about the wheat bread, but hey, let's give it a shot. I mean we've all got to leave the box sometimes, even if it vicariously through a casserole.

Taste of Home Magazine's Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole with asparagus substituted for broccoli

Wheat bread layered with 4-6 sliced chicken breast, thinly sliced cream cheese, 1/2 lb of deli sliced ham, shredded Swiss cheese, asparagus and covered in 2 cans of cream of chicken soup, then topped with Swiss shredded swiss cheese. I baked it at 350 for 50 minutes.

Looked nice, but well, it doesn't matter how
great it looks if the Urbilly didn't like it.

So back to tried an blue here at the Reed household. At least until I get over adventurous again in the kitchen, but a fail always holds me back for a bit. Probably because I end up eating it all by myself. I just don't have enough stomach for too much experimenting!

So here is this week's Mealy Monday list:



Monday--Spagetti and meat sauce with garlic bread and broccoli

Tuesday--Hot French Dip Sandwiches made with Boar's Head Roast Beef (to die for) and locally grown garlic mashed potatoes

Wednesday--BLT, organic mixed veggies, and Tator Tots

thursday--Beef Stroganoff (my fav) and locally grown butternut squash

Friday--Tator Tot Casserole -- an Urbilly Fav (not mine, no not at all, not at all)

Saturday--Holiday Party! We'll be eatin' ham I'll have you know.

Sunday--Crock Pot Chicken Noodle Casserole with organic veggies

Monday--BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger Meatloaf and sweet potato fries

Tuesday-- Leftovers, leftovers and more leftovers




Alrighty ladies, now for the shopping list.

Be seeing you,

Donna Freakin' Reed

Silent Sunday: The Big Guy and the Little Guy

I am a Cracked Baker OR Wordless Wednesday: Wouldya lookit that! I Baked a Pie

Organic Peach Raspberry Pie

Damnitall! My pies always crack!
Maybe it's because I choose to bake them at midnight!

I know, I know, I owe you all a great post about the trip to get a tree, well, sit down, eat some pie, and I'll tell you all about it...tomorrow.

Stuffin' my face,
Donna "Piepan" Reed


xoxo

Housewifery Tips and Ideas: Keep it Retarded

Did you know that fabric softeners (liquid or sheets) and some detergents ruin the flame resistant chemicals on flame retardant children's sleep wear? Just a reminder, whether you knew it or not, to watch how you wash that stuff! I, of course, suggest, Charlie's Soap. It's safe for everything washable!

Turkey Tuesday OR How the Rafter of Turkeys Saved the Day

So, the other morning the Urbilly and I were having a disagreement, ladies. You know that never happens in our perfect household, so I wasn't really sure what to do with myself, but to go in the other room and start straightening up like any good house wife would do. After I had fluffed and refluffed the pillows on the bed I gazed longingly out the bedroom window at nothing in particular when something caught my eye.


Is that a freakin' turkey? What the hell?
Yes, ladies, yes, it was a turkey.

It was not an LSD flash back as I suspected, I was really seeing this. And there wasn't just one, there were at least 20 of them all on the move. They were crossing the road like they were on a mission! I suppose they were still running from Thanksgiving. Soon they would be ou t of my sight and on their way through the yards.

I ran out to the living room, darted past the Urbilly, and grabbed my camera. He looked at me all crazy.

"Regardless of how you feel about me right now, you might want to go look out the door at the freakin' turkeys! For real!" I said with a goofy grin on my face as I shoved my feet into my tied boots.

Out the front door I flew and into the street I went, but by the time I got there, they had moved through to the back yard of the neighbor's house. I ran back through the house and out he back door where I took off through two yards to get some pictures. I watched them as they passed through the yards and disappeared into a n earby wooded area. I tried to catch a picture of one of them fluffing up, but they were a bit quick for me. I also watched a few of them jump up and eat the last of the green off of a few branches.

Nature is pretty cool sometimes. You forget about it when you live in the city with the dirty snow.

I know, who the hell cares about turkey pictures that much. Lame. Well, I have to admit, I've got just a tinge of outdoorsy in me. My dad was an outdoors man when I was a kid. I grew up fishing and traipsing through the woods. That is one of the reasons I think I enjoy it out here so much sometimes. And that I can chase some turkeys!

By the time the turkey excitement died down, the Urbilly and I forgot all about the fight and were once again joking and kidding around. This time about Turkeys. Distraction tends to be a good thing for us sometimes. Thanks turkeys. You saved the day, because, well, with how the rest of the day turned out, that lil' early morning fight could've made a huge difference in the whole plan for the day. We had big plans that day...

That day we attempted to go get our very first real Xmas tree together as a family, not just get it, go cut it down, too. Fail. You can read about tomorrow.


Turkey Jerky, gobble, gobble,

Donna Freakin' Reed


PS: I should inform you all that a group of turkeys is a rafter of turkeys or a gang (thank you, brookndick for your two cents ;D). Not a flock, nor a pack as I would rather refer to them. C'mon, that's just not right. I mean a 'rafter'? Isn't it bad enough that a rafter is where they would hang? No wonder they were still on the run. I'll take gang. From the looks some of them gave me, I'm sure they are a tough bunch.

xoxo

Slacky McSlacky Pants AND Mealy, but Not Maggoty Monday

Well, ladies, I have to admit, I have fallen behind on the house cleaning. In fact, today is the first time I've made my bed in a week or so. Golly Gee, Donna, what's wrong? Nothing really, I'm just slacking. It seems that I often clean in waves, and this here was a low point. So today, I have to make up for it and fold the 6 baskets of laundry in my living room, pick up all the toys, do more laundry, and clean the kitchen until it shines. Oh and lets not forget those dirty kitchen floors. Yeh, I've got a bit to get done today, so for once I will be spending the day away from the damn ass computer, that is if I can will myself to stay away from it.

So, Ladies, you all enjoy your day, I'm gonna get cleaning. I'd like to make an impression on the Urbilly when he gets home today. Ha. We'll see how that goes.

Toodles, girls,

Strapping on my kerchief now,

Donna "Cleaning Machine" Reed



I will leave you all with my Mealy Monday list since I have it done, but only for the week...



Monday- Leftover and fend for yourself day

Tuesday-Chicken Quesadillas made with Amish Roaster Chicken and Homemade Spanish Rice

Wednesday--Pizza Casserole ala The Urbilly's Southern Auntie's Recipe

Thursday--Broccoli Chicken and Ham Lasagna, garlic bread, and fresh dinner salad

Friday--Tacos! and left over rice or whatever else I can scrounge

Saturday--Delicious Stuffed Shells and dinner salad


xoxo

Flaky like Dandruff or Flaky like Frosted Flakes? OR Keeping a Central Family Wall Calendar

I'm a flake. I have to admit it. My husband made me aware of this situation, or should I say condition just recently (I always knew, but to have someone else tell me, and him of all people, golly gee, look at me). Or at least he let it slip that that is the way he feels about me sometimes. Ho hum. I have to agree. I would forget my name if it weren't yelled at me all day! ha.

When I was in school I got very accustomed to keeping a planner (iCal) to keep track of meetings, classes, and papers due, not to mention job related and home related things. It just became part of keeping my flakiness at bay. So when I began to stay home full time, I soon felt lost without a planner (specifically the purpose for a planner) of some sort, and I'm sure the flakiness wasted no time coming to the surface and making me look like a moron almost daily.

To remedy this I had the Urbilly pilfer me a whiteboard from work on which he drew me a calendar grid. I got myself some markers and was set. He put it up on the wall and voila! Calendario Famila Reed! It has become and important organizational tool for our family. It hangs in a central room that has become a kind of mudroom/utility/officey room for us and has to be passed through often providing optimal usage. I have implemented a number of other organizational ideas here in this same room. Keep your eyes out for an upcoming post about the transformation of our everything room.

I've been using the mega (2x3) whiteboard calendar for just about a year now and half now, and I couldn't keep my shit together without it. And if we didn't have it that damn ass Urbilly would never know what the hell is going on! Go whiteboard!

This idea was pilfered from a blog long ago and when I figure out what blog it was I swear I will give her credit and a link right damn ass here!

Housewifery Tips and Ideas: Breathe, damn it, breathe!

Passed on from the Grandmama: Febreeze, Glade, Renuzit and all the rest are no damn ass good substitute for fresh crisp clean air. Open your windows and breathe ladies! Once a month you should try to open you whole house and just let it air out for 20 or 30 minutes. Your lungs will appreciate it, even if you freeze your ass off for a bit or sweat to death for a bit (depending on where you are and what time of year it is of course), deal for a minute.

On a magical bicycle built for two...or three

I owe you all a Monday post about Xmas decorating, and since it is now Thursday and I don't have a post yet for today, this is now today's post...

The Urbilly isn't totally on board with the Xmas decorating thing. He's agreed to a real tree that we will go and cut down, but he wasn't all that keen that I spent $26 on Xmas swags from the cutey boy scouts that came to my door back in August. Though he didn't realize it until just now when they arrived.

I kinda think I like a bit of decorating for the holidays. My mom was real into it, of course. We had a huge over the top tree and she had all her little Xmassy knick knacky things. She decorated outside with evergreen, and inside with it too. My favorite was the mantel decorated in evergreen bows, fake holly and berries, and all kinds and sizes of red candles. It kind of made the holiday more, I don't know, magical? I guess that's what Xmas was when I was a kid, *magical.* And my son deserves to think Xmas is magical, even if it is only for about 15 years or so, and who am I not to try and make it as magical as magical can be?

The First of Xmas magic at the Reed house...

My MIL went through a moment in time where decided she needed a bicycle and that she need a cruiser. Poor ol' Bessy. I don't think she got ridden but once or twice. Soon she was left to rust in the gangway which is where I found her when I moved in. The Urbilly always wanted to toss her, but when we moved I knew exactly what I would do with her. My BFF recently bought a house and she stuck her ol' rusty out in font of her house to spectacularly cute results. So of course, I followed suit. It seems that this is often an idea out here in the stix. Two different neighbors also have bikes in their yard, just not their front yards.

I had a number of left over tacky flowers from our wedding (4 years ago, now, who's a feakin' hoarder) that I have no damn need for, and I spent too much money on them to just toss 'em so here was my solution. I intend to get some evergreen bows also. I'm sure that will take it to over the top Xmas. I'm thinking lights on the fenders, but the Urbilly is anti-Xmas lights because of the lack of irony energy conservation during the holidays. He said I can put them on as long as I don't plug them in. Grinch. Maybe some energy saving LED lights...



Magically Yours,

Donna "wishing he'd sit on the handle bars and go for a ride with me already, gaawd" Reed


xoxo

Housewifery Tips and Ideas: Shoo fly shooooooo!

Pilfered from the Internet: to get rid of fungus gnats from your plants let them dry out a bit and rework your watering schedule (gnats typically come from over watering), disturb and airerate the soil by deeply poking it with the handle of a wooden spoon. and lay out a small dish of cider vinegar. It attracts them and they drown in it. A good sweet smelling dish soap in a dish also works. I was having some gnat issues with my over abundance of house plants and this little trick worked like a charm for me. I have also heard to lay out a few strips of paper with something sticky on it. I'm going to try toothpaste, honey, and A+D ointment. I'll let you know how that goes.

Housewifery Tips and Ideas: Dust it Bust it

I use a Dust Buster on my glass top electric stove and counter tops sometimes to clean up messes that call for a Dust Buster--rice spills, crumbs, noodles, even what I have scraped up off of the stove. I don't think the manufacturer recommends that you do this, but I do.

A Heartfelt Letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I am not ready for you to begin to snow just yet, but it looks like you are quite ahead of me today for there is snow curling in my yard and finding its way to the corners where it will be able to remain.

Screw you. I don' even have a new winter coat yet. And I guess I'll be needing a good "jump in the snow kinda" coat and some snow pants this years since you also blessed me with a fairly large yard and an 18 1/2 month old who (or is it whom here? stupid analytical brain throw me off track and make me forget what I was doing, what was it that we were talking about anywho, why did I open the fridge and what did you want from the downstairs deep freeze? Ice cream?, oh, um, well, oh...yeah, freakin' snow!), I presume, will love the freakin' snow. Great.

Could you be a dear and drop off a coat, like a Columbia or something, and snow pants with the next snow fall. I've already got the boots from when I had a *real* job traipsing through a poor city neighborhood doing the community outreach door to door thang using my Spanish language skills (yeah, I forgot I speak Spanish, puta) while helping those that needed the help find the right help, when I had a different life, you know, a real do something make a difference, change the world not have to make dinner every freaking day, not to mention come up with something to make for dinner, do the laundry and bring it up from downstairs, no it's not folded, and yes, I plan to grocery shop this week, I know there isn't any thing snacky to eat, your wallet is on your desk, don't forget you've got that appointment, its ok I'll clean it up, its the second time I've unloaded it today I don't' want to unload it again, yes I do need to change the sheets, no I'm not Facebooking, I'm doing the budget, well I've been a bit behind lately, no I didn't get a chance to shower today, brush my teeth?, your boots are in the bedroom, sure I'll take the trash out from the whole house every and clean out the fridge weekly though I don't remember agreeing to that at any point (though it is snowing, and I think it's your turn for a bit here...), and take your damn ass shoes off, geez we made that deal at least kind of life.

Oh, and I'd really like a pair of those gloves that you can use on a smart phone. They're neato.

Sincerely,

Donna "I don't like the freakin' snow or the damnass cold (gawww, whine, stomp feet, grrr)" Reed

Oh, there is so much more to come.

PS: I am aware that this is a temporary thing, deary, a kind of limbo if you will. I know that the snow will go away again and it will be alive and new again. Because the constant in my life is change, and, you know, I kinda can accept that, though not easily damnitall, but I do.







xxoo