1. A professional eyebrow waxing. I am soooo sick of plucking. And when I get sick of it, it gets out of control and then it takes forever to clean all up. After that I'm typically frustrated and sick of it again and I look like this
2. A fucking pedicure. A 60 minute pedicure of sheer bliss. My feet are disgusting and I way too lazy to do it myself (not to mention fat, how the fuck do I reach those effin' things?). Besides, I find a pedi to be a treat so whey the fuck do I want to do it myself? I want somebody else to rub my feet and scrape of the corners of death from my heels while I sit back and listen to lovely ocean sounds on my iPhone. Ahhhhh....
3. A hair cut. Maaaannn, I need a haircut. And I don't want some cheap ass ScaryCuts either, I want a nice $60 with tip cut from my favorite beautician who I haven't been able to afford since I spit out this little spawn of mine.
4. My earrings put back in for me. I want this really bad, in fact. It's such a part of me... I was in a car accident last year the night before my birthday (fuck you universe and Murphy's, I still haven't gotten over this one). Long story, but when I ended up in the trauma unit and they needed to do a CAT scan they took them all out. All 14 of them. Some that hadn't been removed in 15 years! Sigh. Now they sit in a piss cup waiting for the day I have the money, the tolerance for the pain and a babysitter all at the same time.
5. If I need a pedi I need a mani, too. Even if I did chew all my nails off recently it'd be nice just to have some nude polish and all the jazz that goes along with getting one.
And while I'm being selfish I want a flower arrangement of just orchids! Yeh. And a mudwrap, and a pint of Cherry Garcia, and a facny electronic sonic toothbrush, and some new clothes, and kithen aid mixer, and some nice kitchen pans, and some new classic collectable Pyrex (I love that shit and try to collect it), and a cleaning lady once a month who does it all top to bottom, and a new pair of jeans...nice ones too, and a facial...I've never had a facial, and some iTunes cards to buy a bunch of music, and a new TV, oooh...and Wii with Wii fit, and a steam cleaner to blast my grout, and right hand ring, and a new pair of tennis shoes, and a speedo swim suit, and my Y membership back, and a personal trainer, and a part time job that pays well and works with my life and hours...ok, ok, that's taking it too far. That's never going to happen.Ah. A girl can dream!
Much effin' love,
Donna Freakin' Reed.
